...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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