im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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