my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
