Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
