saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
