so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
