opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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