I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
