I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Randomize
