Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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