All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Shame - the story of my life.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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