you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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