What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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