Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
