Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
