I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
