That's when you crack a 10am beer
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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