the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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