I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
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