We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
