i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
