He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
