some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
