I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
