Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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