How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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