Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
