in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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