I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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