I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
