Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
