my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
