We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
