I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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