why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
