This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We had sex on a dog bed..
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
