I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
