My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
