Your tits are I can't wait for
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everyone says I win the strip club
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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