I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
