I think my vagina is haunted
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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