At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
