May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
