he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
