I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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