I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Your tits are I can't wait for
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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