1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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