Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
