who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
