The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
