you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
