There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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