I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
