there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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